Round 16 2017/18 – Update

The less said the better this week!  My worst week evah!  I’m finding a striking anti-correlation between how much effort I go into making picks and how well I score.  I’m not sure which direction to go yet.

Not Good

Congratulations to AB who I will start to call Mr YoYo – going from first to last and back again!

Don’t forget your mid-week game picks.  Maybe I’ll look for a half-season prize to award.  I’ve got some Kraken back here still.

Round 16 2017/18 – Quick Picks

All the picks are in except for LS and LJ.  I don’t expect LJ to pick as he’s on his way to Jamaica but am hopefully that LS will make a late appearance.  LS is, if you didn’t know, a fan of the Wolverhampton Wanderers so here’s a joke to make light of his current absence:

Wandering …..

But here are the current predictions:

Guessy Guessy

Lots of quality picks in here with some really random variations.  It seems like no one really has a strong feel for this week with a agreement only coming into play on 5 games.

  • Huddersfield will clearly lose
  • Liverpool will not win by 2 goals
  • Arsenal, Spurs and Chelsea will not win

Weekly Quotes

“This is hard this week”
“Found predictions hard”

Thanks for stating the obvious, guys!

“I am contractually obligated to OF COURSE pick Manchester City for the win”
Must be tough to have to pick a team that hasn’t lost yet this year.  I’m probably technically contracted to pick the Hertfordshire Deer (but I don’t) and AB is not supposed to ever pick Everton (Red fan) but he usually does.

“Man Pretty have the “no Pogma” advantage and Man U may have the “no Silva” advantage.”
This is why you should have put your picks in late like usual!  Silva seems fit to play !  But you picked them anyway.

“Spuds MUST turn the corner soon!”
The potato chickens will not win the league.  You heard it here (not) first.

“back on the bottom on the pile. at least I got a EURO cheer this week.”
Yes. For a second I thought there had been success in the Brexit negotiations but then I realized you meant your 7-1 thumping in the week of some other team in Europe.  Let’s hope it continues against the Toffees!


This is a big week with two Derby Games.  You may have noticed I changed the entry form to show the team mascots.  I did this in part because they get along and hopefully this weekends games won’t turn into aggressive free-for-all and end up with some quality football.

Aliens and Devil Friends
Ee Up Me Mate We’s Playin’ Ent Wee!

Of course in real life things have changed in recent years.  Once upon a time these games were classic hard men affairs.

“You’re Soft In the Head Duncan”
“Well You’re a Sweety… all Soft in the Middle Mr Ruddock.”

One-Line Analysis

Burnley V Watford
Bertie Bee is crazy looking and Harry looks like a weird bear so obviously this is a tie (but a rather late one).

Crystal Palace V Bournemouth
Woy’s Boys are improved and the Cherries are inconsistent so let’s give it to the team with the most fans in the stadium.

Huddersfield Town V Brighton & Hove Albion
Not often I predict 0-0 but when neither team can score it’s a pretty good guess – I mean prediction.

Liverpool V Everton
Everton are a bit better but they are away at Anfield where I’m sure Rooney will nick a wasted goal after Liverpool add to their goal tally.

Manchester United V Manchester City
Obligated to not pick the red team to win because in a Manchester derby the team that’s actually in Manchester should really win.

Newcastle United V Leicester City
Leicester are better than Newcastle which means that I pick Vardy to score and win, obviously.

Southampton V Arsenal
Arsenal were unlucky that DeGea was brilliant and this week Forster will be not quite-as-brilliant and they don’t have a Lingard who’s going to play the best game of his career.

Swansea City V West Bromwich Albion
Two bad teams but Alan Pardew will be the difference maker (or so the press will say) as West Brom climb the table for a few weeks before collapsing the second half.

Tottenham Hotspur V Stoke City
Mark Hughes needs to be fired and Spurs can’t keep dropping points at home to second-rate teams.

West Ham United V Chelsea
Chelsea are tired but a tired Chelsea are better than a useless West Ham and David Moyes will be the difference maker (or so everyone will say).

Round 15 2017/18 – Results and Fuzzies

So the results are in and after a brilliant start where it looked like I might win I dropped off and fell to second place after a spirited come-back by BE.

Look Who’s Back To Last!

Unfortunately, LJ was not able to make his picks due for personal reasons.  I don’t think he’ll be playing this week either.

Don’t forget to make your picks this week.

I’ve created a slightly different look and feel this week for the form.  Here’s an introduction to the new look.  This is the least viewed video I’ve ever featured on this site.

Round 15 2017/18 – Quick Picks

Here are the picks – just waiting for LJ who probably forgot because I didn’t do my weekly Friday office message reminder.


This week should be a bit better scoring than last week unless the EPL throws in a few surprises.

Quotes of the Week

Thanks for writing in some interesting comments:

From JE:
“I want the moose men to win but Tottenham should win again soon shouldn’t they ? Arsenal and united should draw 1-1 (scrolls up and puts in a two for United so we win. Let’s see if that works for me better than it does for you!)”
I too want the deer-men to win but even at home it will be a tough ask against the Spuds.  Especially, a potato-chicken team that is going to be looking to make up for lost points over the last weeks.  Perhaps MP is focused on the Real Madrid job and we have a chance.  I checked the head-to-head and see if that would influence me.

Well Balanced Head to Head

Not a lot of analysis on my part after that.

A Potato Chicken (This is KMFE’s name)

I think it looks more like a potato-penguin but while searching for this I found a couple of cute pictures (not football related)

It’s a Duck!

I think it’s a duck but given the earlier picture I could try to argue it’s a baby Swansea image.

A Pin Up (Non Football Related)

Then to bring it all back to football

Image result for premier league pin up teddy
Two Pin Ups (not sure what’s going on with those shorts)

From ME:

“Watford won’t concede 4 goals again…so I will predict only 3! Spurs can’t be so bad three games on the bounce..please!”
See above.

“Lots of tough calls again this week. I may well be bottom again. Good job AM is also predicting as badly!”
To be fair and unbiased in my reporting it should be pointed out that in the prior week, while performing terribly, me AM did score more points than you.

To be more fair and unbiased I should point out that I was equally terrible and also scored more points than you.

And when I say points I mean point.

Further Analysis

Not this week.  It’s late and last week didn’t work so well after I put in all the detail.   I’ll probably post a longer results post instead on Monday or add a fun post this weekend when I’m watching a game.

Round 14 2017/18 – Midweek Detailed Results

Just wanted to post the results. It was a bad week for most people but AB led the pack followed by LS and JE.  I languished somewhere near the bottom finish above only the super-hapless ME.  So much for using all that extra time you were provided!

Bad Week for Me

Make your entries as per normal.



Round 14 2017/18 – Midweek Detailed Predictions

So we’re in the annoying mid-week phase where I have to come up with posts TWICE a week. Anyone want to be a guest writer?  Let’s fill some space with a nice space taking image.

Maybe an AI Writer that Passes the Turing Test Is Around?

As I’m on my own I guess I should just drop in the picks!

A nice little graphic here will make the page the page seem more filled.

Some Of the Guesses

As you can see we’ve got most of the picks in but we’re still waiting for ME, LS, and LJ.  I think ME is getting in as much scouting as possible to defeat AM who kindly picked a tie for Watford when I know deep down he’s hoping for the team from just outside of Manchester to beat the team just outside of London.  LJ is re-calibrating his methods. It turns out his football nous is too much of a good thing and he is going to rely more on heart than head moving forward.  I’m not sure about LS.  He’s probably doing something very important or something very interesting or not.

Take Your Time People

This Weeks Quotables

AM avoids potential “egg on the face” by not selecting the team from Trafford to thrash the Hornet Herfordshire Deer team.  JE contributed “I fecking hope we don’t lose to you lot” along with his usually somewhat soppy comments (love you too little bro).

BE claims that “There should be thanksgiving from Arsenal, Man City and Man United ……if you can’t be good, be lucky!”  Arsenal were lucky with a dodgy penalty, Manchester United aren’t lucky but have undue influence on referees, and Citeh dominated the game they won.  So 1 out of 3 correct which is about her average.

AB claims he has been “overly generous to scouser compatriots” and is thus picking them to lose this week.  At home to West Ham might not be the week to try that.

The Analysis

I thought I might mix in some really detailed analysis this week to give you an idea of the thought processes behind some of the picks.  I’m expecting everyone to be close this week with everyone scoring within 2-3 points of each other- it’s just a feeling.

Arsenal vs Huddersfield Town
Arsenal are flat-track bullies and this is the kind of game they will usually get a decent result from.  Huddersfield left it all on the pitch trying to eek out a draw at home against Citeh and so will probably turn in an average display as a result of fatigue and disappointment.  Arsenal will dominate possession (70-30) but none of this possession will result in goal scoring attempts as they spend most of the time wandering around between 15-25 yards out trying to figure out how to pass it into the net.  Eventually Sanchez will slot home a free goal-pass from about 12 yards after someone breathes too hard on Ozil in the box (67) for another “lucky” penalty.  A few minutes later Ozil will dribble one in as Huddersfield collapse into a deep 10-0-1 formation.

Bournemouth vs Burnley 
The Cherries are much improved and will take advantage of a raucous home crowd to win. Well, as much as a small team’s fans can muster anyway.  The home team will take advantage of a defensive lapse from Burnley and score mid-way through the first half (this analysis is based on me starting a Burnley player in my fantasy team).  Burnley will come back with a lucky deflection on a mishit corner in the second half but will ultimately succumb to a rare Joshua King goal in the frenetic final 10 minutes.

Brighton & Hove Albion vs Crystal Palace
Brighton are a tough team to score on but they aren’t going to score more than 1 goal themselves.  Crystal Palace were lucky to score in the last minute last week to take a win but this is Woy’s team and if I learned anything from watching him in his time as England manager it’s that Woy’s Boys won’t win two games in a row and they won’t score often (if at all).

Leicester City vs Tottenham Hotspur
A tough game for Spurs.  Delicatessen Ali has gone off the boil and would have been far more heavily criticized had his name been Pogba but this is part of the long term plan he has to get a move to Man U so that he can win a title (he thinks).  Man You will buy him with the cash they raise from sending the overrated Martial of to Real Madrid as part of their overhaul.  Leicester will sit back for 69 minutes and launch long searching passes through the middle for Vardy who will eventually score.  It will look desperate again for Spurs and Kane will equalize with 5 minutes to go (because someone else will start him as captain in their fantasy team and get double points).

Watford vs Manchester United
Jose will setup Manchester United with their common away game setup of playing deep and countering when the chance comes.   Of course, they sometimes forget to counter and that might be the case today.  Watford will go up early with Andre Gray scoring on a defensive mishap after 5 minutes raising the hopes of all the Hornet’s fans.  Watford will then forget to attack which will leave the game in an awkward position with one team trying to counter a non-attacking team.  Fellaini will spare Jose his blushes with a long ball elbow-of-god goal in the 8th minute of additional time just like the good old days.

I did go into the future and record the game and this was the surprising interview I saw.  Unfortunately, I’ve already locked in my pick but this may help the remaining players mentioned above.

Jose Is the Wrong One

West Bromwich Albion vs Newcastle United
I think this game would be better if both team could play in their home kit!Megson seems to have his team in order but they weren’t that bad to begin with so they’ll win but only after the Geordies score a stunning goal.
Newcastle are for sale and inquiries were made this week which is more interesting than this game will be.

Newcy For Sale

The sale may be forced because without an influx of cash the team will be struggling and Rafa has made it clear that he’s not the manager who can work without a huge budget.  He was seen last week in the technical area sporting a new scarf that made his point known to Mike Ashley.

Gis A Job Wiv Mo Money, Lad.

Chelsea vs Swansea City
Swansea’s best player is a Chelsea player who is not allowed to play against Chelsea while he’s at Swansea or play for Chelsea because he’s at Swansea (and wouldn’t make the team anyway).  No deep analysis on this game: at three seemingly random times Chelsea will score – probably a brace by Hazard and another by Morata (because he’s on the opposition’s fantasy team as well).

Everton vs West Ham United 3-2
Everton will be better this week and are playing a West Ham team who might be better than their position.  I see Everton winning but because they let in a lot of goals they’re going to have to score 3 from somewhere – Niasse will score two of them in the first half.  Whoever it is that takes Everton penalties (Baines?) will score the third in the second half after the Hammers fight back with Lanzini and Kouyate scoring.

Loads of Money For Nothing You Say?

Sam Allardyce will see this game, think Everton are alright and good enough to stay up without any effort, take the job, collect some paper bags with money in it and watch them get all the way up to 5th from bottom, call it job well done, retire to an island vacation to wait for the next desperate team.

Rinse and Repeat.

Manchester City vs Southampton
The analysis for this game is simple: Kevin De Bruyne.

I will Fire in Three Goals!

Stoke City vs Liverpool
I discussed this game at length with LJ and we both decided that the game could be 1-3 to the scouse army.  Jordan Henderson will antagonize the Liverpool loyals by scoring a cracking goal that once again means he won’t be dropped for a while (despite him being mostly useless). So Jordan puts them up 1-0 and Coutinho will make it 2-0 from a free kick under the wall.

To keep it interesting, Maxim Choupo-Moting will cut the deficit in half.

I originally also had Firmino and Mane fighting over who would score the third from the penalty spot deciding, ultimately, that Firmino would take it, miss it, and let Mane get the rebound. That was when I thought the game was at Anfield and that a Kop-end penalty would be a given – away that penalty doesn’t happen.   Away from home it will just end as Klopp predicts.

I Predict We Win

There you have it.
All the picks and all the detail.

Round 13 2017/18 – Thanksgiving Week Results

Here are the results:

Weekly Leaders

I was half way through a long post but I was distracted by Black Friday and the  opportunity to get a new hosting provider (via a Coupon).  It’s taken me most of the day to migrate the site and get all my email up to date so the post went to the wayside.  I’ll try and add it in the next couple of days – it was moderately amusing but somewhat “Thanksgivingy” so might not work out-of-US-Holiday context.

This week saw a big jump for LS and a sad sad tie for last between AM and ME -what a battle that is turning out to be !

Please remember to make your picks for Tuesday and Wednesday

Round 13 2017/18 – Thanksgiving Week

Everyone got their picks in and here they are:

Thanks For Randomness

This Weeks Quotes

Some contributions this week some seem to be an excuse for not fulfilling the promise of last year’s success with a recent mediocre run:

JE – “I have no idea about results this season. I do know that i got a good result by blagging me DM tickets! X”

Here’s one that they didn’t play – time to get the season back in gear:

I also get the banter of two arch-nemesis who should really directly antagonize each other:

ME – “I have deliberately predicted incorrect results this week to give AM a better chance! … From your team pictures it looks like Man Utd could poop over the Gulls! ”

AM- “All I’ve done in the past few weeks is take my foot off the gas just to wait for old ME to catch up! ”  “PS – ‘Old Toilet’ my arse!!”

Well head-to-head score is as follows (to ruin the suspense):

Looks Who’s Ahead!

Seems that one is winning by points but not head-to-head.  I’m sure I could call it a tie but the rules are that ME is winning!

The Game Summaries

Burnley V Arsenal
Arsenal have 18 of their 22 points at home and they are playing at Turf Moor where Burnley are actually capable of getting results this year.   Should be a close game and end with honors shared.  I want to make this 1-1 but I put 2-2 and it’s too late to change it and upload it again.  I therefore declare that the last few minutes will end in a chaotic pair of offsetting goals in time added on.

Crystal Palace V Stoke City
I think that Palace will go down but I really think that Mark Hughes should be fired so that settles that.  Palace for the win with Benteke scoring because I took him out of my fantasy team and replaced him with a goat.  Or not.

Huddersfield Town V Manchester City
Huddersfield will try and keep this a goalless affair.  Not going to happen.

Liverpool V Chelsea
So everyone thinks that Liverpool are going to lose because they let in three goals against Sevilla in the week.  Do I need to point out that they didn’t lose? This is Anfield and Mane Salah will score a hattrick to put them up 3-0.  Chelsea will score, of course.  This is my pick and is part of what I call fantasy football.  Reality football is that Jordan Henderson is playing and he’s rubbish so Chelsea probably won’t lose.

Was Merse  Drinking Again Last Year?

Manchester United V Brighton & Hove Albion 
Fellaini will score when the Red Devils revert to the long-ball and end up 1-0.  That’s what my brain said but then I realized that they’ve scored 4 goals every time they play at Old Toilet.  Brighton won’t score.  That makes 4-0 the going prediction.  So three of us will either be disappointed or happy with the number of goals.

Newcastle United V Watford
Watford are brilliant and have the best manager in the world – or so the press would have you think.  They’re average just like their opposition so I’m going to go for the old stand-by of 2-2 for the Moosemen though the players may deliberately lose to keep Silva around.

Southampton V Everton
Everton have an interim scape-goat in Unsworth and I don’t think he can be too excited at the prospect of continuing his managerial status at Everton as it’s definitely destroying his resume.  Another loss as Southampton manage to eek a goal out of something.  This deserves a 0-0.

Swansea City V Bournemouth
The Cherries are better than Swansea.  The picks seem to bear this out overall. End of discussion.

Tottenham Hotspur V West Bromwich Albion
West Brom would get a new manager bump but they have a caretaker manager in Gary Megson and are actually looking to take Alan Pardew.  I think I would have kept the old-boy Tony Pulis.  Mr P let it be known he’s in charge by basically telling Danny Rose to sit down and shut up… though he’s thinking of moving to Real Madrid if Zidane gets the boot.  Interestingly, I just read Four-Four-Two that called Zidane the best manager in the world.  Funny ole game that Spurs will win.

West Ham United V Leicester City
West Ham are playing at home and will be looking to play better than they did last week against Watford (I missed most of the game after Andy “Elbows” Carroll tried to knock-out half the opposition).  David Moyes is their manager so it’s hard to see how they will ever play better.  Close game which Leicester should win but probably won’t.

Signing off.   Preparing my analysis for next week… you can already get your picks in.  Hopefully this will give me more time to write something amusing or that makes sense.


Round 12 2017/18 – Results

So the results are in and one lucky beggar managed to mess up only one pick – Spurs vs Arsenal…. how this ended up being an Arsenal win I’ll never know.

Weekly Winners

So JCE (that’s me that is) scored a whopping 15 points this week.
In the head-to-head stakes that matter Mr ME finished tied second-from-bottom and still managed to finish ahead of Mr AM.

As a guide for future picks, here are the current overrated and underrated tables.  From this table it’s got some clear markers and advice built in.

Average Table

Don’t forget the first game is on FRIDAY so Get Yer Picks In

Also,feel free to email me on any theme or subject for discussion.  After a few years of doing this I’m running out of ideas!   I may have to go back to how this started with my lunatic pre-game commentary – things have gotten serious recently.