Week of August 16, 2014 – Premier League Picks

Arsenal3-1Crystal Palace
Leicester City1-1Everton
Manchester United0-2Swansea City
Queens Park Rangers2-2Hull City
Stoke City2-1Aston Villa
West Bromwich Albion1-1Sunderland
West Ham United0-1Tottenham Hotspur

Arsenal come into the new season looking like the same old Arsenal. Good but no good enough. In this game they have a great advantage – they have the same manager before the game that they had 3 days ago. Not sure what “mutual consent” means in the case of a departure but I’m assuming that it has something to do with two people agreeing a mutual lack of friendship. The only risk in predicting such a lop-sided victory is that Arsenal are likely to start YaYa… and that’s Sanogo, not Toure. Expect Alexis to be the new Walcott – fast and with a crap final delivery. Aaron Ramsey will start the campaign as their best player because he is and will be for the next few years.

Everton were better under Martinez than Moyes because he’s a better analyst of the game. Unfortunately, that means he spent most of his summer watching the world cup for ESPN. Expect a slow start from the Everton team that lost their young phenom and only added a player they already had. Leicester just game up – always a lot of heart at the start of the campaign.

The turtle, LVG, or whatever you want to call him. He’s a task master and that’s what Moyes was. Why there is an expectation that one taskmaster is better than another is strange. The 3-5-2 formation may work early on but will break down so the first game should be a breeze against the Swans but it won’t be. Garry Monk has been at Swansea for over a decade and has seen how to play. The team will be rampant the first half of the season and probably get their manager fired early 2015.

QPR are terrible and run by an owner who doesn’t really care about football. Hull are not bad and run by an owner who doesn’t seem to care about the City his team play in. Should be an easy win for the “Tigers” but Hull City will find a way to not win.

The Potters are good. Aston Villa are my pick to go down. Aston Villa should not be a bottom 3 team but they insist on underperforming. Nervous on this one because last year Villa opened with a win against the Gunners before going on to be a bad team.

Love West Brom and hate Sunderland – it seems a match of good football played averagely vs bad football played well. Likely a good draw or bad draw depending on who you like.

Spurs have the best signing of the year in their new manager. He will take them well into the Top 6 if he can find a way to replace Soldano with someone who can score, get Adebayor to care, and get Dembele to focus. The Hammers are going to be awful this year. Or, I should say, AWFUL with a capital A-W-F-U and L. I’m giving Spurs only one goal because no doubt there will be some antisemitic chanting going on and that might be distracting to all their non-jewish players.

Newcastle United1-2Manchester City

Southampton are the Liverpool bogey team and always cause problems for the Reds. I think this was the previous coaching that allowed for open play, counter attacking which works against the opposition that wants to play as well. This year things will be different as Southampton have had an exodus of talent. Sturridge is the pick for top scorer and will get off to a good start. Coutinho will add one from the middle.
Gerrard tries to stay out of trouble because one bad tackle and he may not be able to get up – give the old man a life-alert.

Newcastle are either good or bad and you never can tell. Manchester City are either really good or good. I have a feeling this will be two “good” teams kicking off. This YaYa will score more than the Arsenal YaYa… but not as many as last year as he’s still miffed by not getting a birthday cake. Dzeko won’t score because he’s still in shock that he is still there. Aguero and Jovetic will score.


Burnley start against one of the odds on favorites to go down and because they aren’t good Mourinho will put the bus in 2nd gear. It will be an easy victory and we will hear about Burnley struggling this year and Chelsea being unbeatable – neither is true as it will be mostly up from this point for the Turf Moor newcomers. Eden and Cesc spend much of the game passing the ball to each other once they go up by 3. Yawn.


Tim Sherwood 16-1 as next West Ham manager.

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