Round 33 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks and Results from Round 32

Everyone did fairly well last week and it finally saw BE moving to the top (from the bottom).  Is this the end of the steep decline since the beginning of the year?  Once again ME failed to copy the right results and ended up last… but at least his Spuds are still hot and in with a shot.


Waiting for….

Or Until He Gets To It

Turns out that SuperComputer 4 has decided that this week it’s not going to participate until JE shows up.


At this point I think it’s fair to say that Chelsea have won the league and JE has won the picks league.  It is possible that they could be overhauled but time is short and the gap is not small.  So it is with disappointment that I make my picks this week in the style of the Hornets… just enough effort to be passable…. and a little bit more enthusiasm than shown by Arsenal.

Crystal Palace V Leicester

Palace have won a few games and separated from the bottom. I would give the nod to the foxes but this game straddles Champions League games and Shakespeare will be focusing on that challenge.  It seems that the Foxes turned the corner and started to enjoy playing again just in time this season: “”Things won are done; joy’s soul lies in the doing.”

Everton V Burnley

Burnley do not win away.  Everton have just won their thousandth straight at home with 3 or 4 goals.  I’m no longer picking 1-1 as that strategy has miserably failed.

Man Utd V Chelsea

Chelsea don’t need to win.  Manchester United should try to win (maybe they actually are?).  I expect Benjamin Button to score a goal and everyone to be reasonable happy with a score draw.

Middlesbrough V Arsenal

A bad team against a team that is doing badly.  All things point to a desert’s worth of shifting sands in the summer but for this one week players will to expend a little more energy and walk away with a win…. blame the manager.

Southampton V Man City

Southampton are safe and Pep needs to ensure that top 4 finish.

Stoke V Hull

Stoke have been disappointing but Hull don’t win away.

Sunderland V West Ham

Many are picking the Moyes Boys team in this game but even if they were giving a 2 goal start it’s hard to see theme winning anything.

Tottenham V Bournemouth

Spurs whacked the Hornets last week and the quality of opposition isn’t much different this week (except they may score).

Watford V Swansea

The Hornets are safe. That’s all that matters.

West Brom V Liverpool

Soon LJ will pick with his team and not against his team! The Baggies will never be short of commitment.

Round 29 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks and Round 28 Partials

Back to normal with a full schedule – thankfully.  The partial results for 27 are as follows… LJ forgot to play so he automatically is losing.
The scores are currently as shows;however, with games left this round will carry forward until the games are played.  Remember to pick them or you will be given a match score that results in nil point for the game.

I’m Leading!!

As you can see, it’s all to play for but I am the unofficial-for-this-week-at-least-winner!

As I noted we are back to normal:

I’m Waiting for JE and a Decent Performance



This week looks to be setup for a large number of tough picks so I fully expect one person to win by a margin and one person to lag behind.

Which One Am I?

Bournemouth V Swansea

Haven’t checked to see if Llorente is fit this week but if he is Swansea will be 2 goals better than if’s not.  The Cherries are scoring goals at home and looking for security, so being optimistic and thinking that Llorente isn’t as delicate as the Harry Kane.. or is that Hurricane or even Hurticane…. I’ll give them a close loss with the ball banging around in both areas.

Crystal Palace V Watford

The Hornets have a terrible record against the Palace and there’s no reason that will change.  Deeney will score in the first 10 minutes and my hopes will be lifted … then the giraffe will fall over in the box and win a penalty and Gomes will drop the ball in the last minute and give up a result.  Bit like normal then.

Zaha Being Brought Down In the Box Like Suarez

Everton V Hull

Lukaku wants to play Champions League but that won’t affect his performances.  They are close to catching Man Yoooo which would still not be good enough for Champions League… I just wanted to point out that Man Yoo won’t be in Champions League again.  Lukaku 2 Hull 0.

Man City V Liverpool

The Pool have the best record against the other top teams and just improved that record against Arsenal but Citeh are out of Europe and need to ensure their position in the Top 4 starts to solidify.  I was going to call this a tie but rumor has it that Lovren is back and that does not bode well for the Reds.  I once said to LJ that Lovren was terrible and should be banished to Siberia… as a Liverpool fan he disagreed strongly.  “United.  That’s where he should go.”  Still the funniest thing he ever said.

Middlesbrough V Man Utd

This is setup to be a really bad game.  Middlesbrough aren’t very good and Manchester United can’t seem to win (though they never lose).  After the firing of Karanka I fully expect Middlesbrough to come out more aggressively and look for the win.  Against a Chelsea or Spurs team this would result in a humiliating loss but United are struggling for results and will still only eek out a narrow victory.

Stoke V Chelsea

Stoke at home will dig in and try to steal a point at home against the new Champions to be.  Diego Costa will score a tap-in and take all the credit after Hazard dribbles it around 10 Stoke players and lays off a perfect pass.

Sunderland V Burnley

This week Burnley will play horribly away from home. The worst they’ve played all year. And still they will win.  It’s that kind of week in my prediction models.

Tottenham V Southampton

We know Harry Kane isn’t playing but what we don’t know is which Southampton they are playing.  Expect a win for the Cocks-on-a-Beachball nonetheless with Jannsen maybe scoring… but probably not…. good job they have Son and Alli.

I can’t Score because Modern Goals are So Small

West Brom V Arsenal

The boing-boings are not really boinging on all cylinders but they’re playing an Arsenal team that looks more and more like they’ve ready to cede their European run.  Ozil looks ready to quit, Sanches looks ready to quit, Wenger looks ready to quit,and Giroud just looks silly with his beard. Welbeck is just getting back so he’ll come on and save them.

West Ham V Leicester

Leicester are in the Champions League ??  They haven’t won away yet in the league and I picked Burnley already so I’m going out on a limb and saying two winless away records will end this weekend.  West Ham play better away from their giant cave and appear to be safe and not playing with that urgency of threatened relegation.  Of course, Leicester had the disadvantage of playing in the week… and winning.. in Champions League!

That’s all.Just a quick rundown. No editing.  Off the cuff.  And I don’t care if it’s full of issues.  It’s all about the predictions.

Round 27 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks (and Partial Results)

Well Round 26 was messed up because of the a generic cup final that was won by Zlatan but the scoring in our table was incredible.  Before the week started I thought the fixtures were tough to pick and it could be a poor week for guessing – how wrong was I?

Well here are the scores for all participants – human, celebrity, and supercomputer.

Incredible Guessing and Programming skills!

In just 8 games we have scores in the twenties and the high teens!  Supercomputer for with an incredible 21 points!  With two games left to play!

Here are the human only picks.

Incredible Guessing

Only 1 incorrect and 3 exact would win 24 weeks so far…and again with two games left to play!  Everyone was awesome.
Except for the first half season winner (quickly falling) and LJ, the sad scouser.

I only got 8 points?

Quick rundown this week and the predictions will be posted once….

Where’s JE?
Where’s BE?
Where’s ME?


Leicester V Hull
Wanieri is gone and womour has it that Woy will be coming to Weicester to keep things turned awound. Shakespeare’s story appears to be short-lived. Theories abound that a loosening of rules and discipline allowed freedom to win last year but ultimately allowed the freedom to fail this year. A new coach means that Leicester may very well survive but they will find it more difficult to beat Hull than they did Liverpool as Hull will be solid defensively and not press with 70% possession. Leicester will have to graft but they will because they no longer have any excuses not to now that they forced their friend out. A tight affair.

Liverpool V Arsenal
Arsenal are flat track bullies and Liverpool like to punch above their weight with the big boys. Liverpool seem to rise to the occasion against the big boys while Arsenal stumble. I don’t see any reason for that to change. LJ, the fan, is not feeling the Kop love for Klopp. I have it on good authority that Ben Woodburn is the new Robbie Fowler so maybe he’ll make the squad come on and stir things up. At least me writing that shows that I listen to other people! Even those who finish last with their picks.

Man Utd V Bournemouth
United are close to getting back into the Champions League with their aging superstar and they are facing a team that has hit the wall.

Hard Times for the Cherries

Stoke V Middlesbrough
Neither team is exciting and the game will be well defended.  Brough will be playing for a point and will not quite make it.

Sunderland V Man City
Citeh need to keep winning and Pep will probably play the 4-5-3 formation and use the extra man in attack (no need to defend).

Swansea V Burnley
Burnley do NOT win away.  Swansea have the Frenchest English guy in Wales managing their team which has nothing to do with anything but I was surprised to find that someone named Clement who had managed throughout Europe didn’t have a sexy accent.  No offense to people from Reading.

Tottenham V Everton
Both teams are good.  Both teams like to score.  But I am picking 1-1 for all Everton games.

Watford V Southampton
Tough pick.  Hornets and Saints are side-by-side in the table and neither look good enough to head North and neither look bad enough to head South in the table.  I tossed a coin to see who should get the 2 goals and who should get the 1 goal.  Heads was Southampton and Heads it was…. but I support Watford and the heart sometimes rules the heads.

West Brom V Crystal Palace
Big Sam is overrated.  Big Tony is underrated. I hope the Baggies win 4-0 but I’ll take a narrow victory because Ben is playing like he did when he was at Watford.

West Ham V Chelsea
I’m just putting Chelsea for all their games because it seems no one wants to beat them.

Glad to see Torres is well.



Round 23 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks

Updated Guesses

Midweek games are a pain and I will update the picks once I get all the entries [Updated 1/31/2017]

Arsenal V Watford
Arsenal are winning.  Watford are losing. Walter is my favorite to get fired next.

Bournemouth V Crystal Palace
Sam is my second favorite to get fired and Bournemouth are mid-table.

Burnley V Leicester
Burnley have 26 points of which 25 have come at home. Leicester have 21 points and only 3 came away.  I can do math better than predicting upsets.

Middlesbrough V West Brom
Boro are doing slightly better and West Brom are over-achieving.  Tight one.

Sunderland V Tottenham
Do Sunderland have enough players to start this game?  They might but only one of them can score.

Swansea V Southampton
Swansea have (maybe) turned the corner and Southampton are either on an up or a down.  I tossed a coin on this one and it landed on its edge.

West Ham V Man City
Citeh blew West Ham away in the Cup… but that’s the cup and the cart-horse is back and will clippety-clop to a goal in a much tighter affair.

Man Utd V Hull
Hull are going down.  Man U are destined for Europa.  I already said I could do math.

Liverpool V Chelsea
Liverpool must win and at home this is one of the most important games of the year and we can’t afford a slip-up if we want Chelski to fail. 

Stoke V Everton
1-1 is always a good prediction for Everton. 1-1 is always a good prediction for Stoke. Probably 4-0 to someone then.

*Apologies to LJ for the Featured Image.  Thought it was funny.

Round 14 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks

This week I’m going to try a little harder than last week and I’m guaranteeing that this extra effort won’t go to waste and I will finish at least equal, if not better, than I did last week.
Anyone wants to make a bet on that?

So here are the picks:


Once again JE is waiting until the last minute to pour over the detailed match reports to get that time advantage.  That “Mourinho Time” really comes in useful when making last minute tweaks to scores and predictions, aren’t they!

Still Some Time for Picks…. or Time for Pogba to show up…

Bournemouth will be a challenge for the Red Scouse Army this week because it turns out that Coutinho wants to spend some time hanging with the family for the holidays and no doubt catching a Christmas Carol Panto featuring his lookalike.

Separated At Birth
Separated At Birth?

There are mixed opinions on this one but I think Liverpool will be fine with Firmino and Origi, a player who Klopp really likes.  Away from the Anfield fortress there is a chance for a Gerrard style slip-up and for the Cherries to secure some points.
So Palace are hosting the Saints and everyone is wondering if maybe it’s time to reinstate the the “who’s going to be fired next” series.  This meme was started 2 years ago in December – the month when the normal Pardew descent begins – the difference this year is the absence of the ascent.  Newcastle got rid of him.  Palace wanted him.  Times change.  Except the flawed logic of owners who have decided they don’t want Pardew but they need one more loss to make sure. So, while Alan is on the chopping block the team will pull out all the stops to win the game that proves he his adequate to manage the team after all.  The five losses in a row and poor opening to the season will be magically offset by win this week that will rescue his job.

Not the Alan Parson Project

He’ll be fired next week when they lose to Hull.

If ever a game was destined for a 1-1 draw at home it’s a home Everton game where they are dying for points against a team that keeps drawing away from home (3 in 5). Sure to be a low scoring affair because Everton aren’t very good and…. well neither are the Trafford boys.   Schweinie might play so that will be a reason for KMFE to watch.

Oil Money against stolen Oil Money in the battle of the big dollar teams – Citeh and Chelski. Chelsea will start with a back 3 and this week it will fall apart as Citeh play Prince Harry and Navas very wide and force Chelski into playing either a back 5 or lose.  The Spanish Magician will produce an illusion of success and put them in front.  Conte will switch to a traditional back 4 to counter and he will be hailed as a genius for applying both a back 3 and back 4 tactic when they pull off a late equalizer….. but we can’t rule out Ya-Ya, Ya-Ya, Ya-Ya and his extra-time game winner.  Psyche!  Conte the genius pulls it off and Chelski win.

Middlesbrough at home against Hull. This is, as the pundits say, a six-pointer.  That translates roughly to “game that’s not worth watching.”

Stoke will not lose at home to a Burnley team that cannot score away from Turf Moor. Stoke will not score more than one because that involves being a great team and they aren’t.

Leicester are where they should have been last year.  Sunderland are better than their initial results showed and this game is really a toss up. I’m tired of predicting that Leicester will turn things around without KS minding the nets.  Leicester is more dilly-dally than dilly-ding this year.  Vardy is probably regretting not going to Arsenal but then he wouldn’t get in that team.. luckily the national team still has a spot for him.

Spuds have been drawing a lot and last week they finally lost.  They came out strong and took the lead against Chelski but then ended up giving the game away.  Swansea were behind Palace last week before ending up taking the game away.  By analysis of last week’s performance this game will be a battle between a team that wants to go up against a team that wants to go behind.   Swansea will get their wish and be behind early before realizing that the Palace defenders are on the other side of London for a reason.

WBA are a decent team doing quite well.  Watford are a bad team doing quite well. Usually the decent team will beat the bad team and that unfortunately means the Moosemen will slowly begin to fall out of the top half of the table.

The Hammers-ammers-mmers-ers-rs-s are playing in the echo-echo-echo-echo chamber and they just don’t seem to like-like-like-like-like it.  Arsenal are used to playing in large stadia so home advantage doesn’t exist for the home team and Arsenal will continue to stay in touch with the top for a few more weeks.

Here are the weekly bets


Next week I’ll try and post something amusing.  I’m taking this way too seriously 🙂


Round 13 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks

This weeks picks are once again 1 person short.


The supercomputer chugged and churned this week and continues to get stuck on its counter on 2 for home teams and 1 for away teams.  This might seem like a simple bug but I’m not actually sure – it could just be lazy.  Talking of lazy, Supercomputer 3 just copied Supercomputer 2 again.  It’s working on an algorithm in the same way that Jimmy Kimmel is waiting for Matt Damon.

Arsenal need to be, as JE would say, flat track bullies and make some Kirsch (tromp and distill the Cherries).  Bournemouth have only one once away and Arsenal are my favorite team that aren’t  EltonJohn’s Moosemen according to KMFE.  I fully expect Arsenal to score more goals than they can put against a decent PSG team.

Burnley didn’t score against 10 men Trafford (and in fact got dominated).   They also got thwumped by West Brom on Monday.  It all points to a dominating performance but Citeh can’t rely on Ya Ya anymore like they did last week.  He’s no longer the best African player which was emphasized again this week when he didn’t get on the shortlist (no doubt his agent is  unhappy at Pep about that and the money it has cost him).   I don’t think Burnley will score and it’s a question of how many goals Prince Harry can setup.

Chelski will play against a team trying to match their formation and will end up winning.  It’s hard to see another team duplicating the undefeated Arse team and Spuds should have given it up last week when down to the hapless Hammers before getting two late goals.  In other words, Spuds will lose eventually and this seems like a good week for that to happen.

Hull are not a great team and neither are West Brom which makes this one of those tough calls.  Bromwich are on a better run than Hull and they’ll probably edge it. I won’t be watching this game.

Leicester are in the CL next round and so they can focus on the league.  They need to- their form has been poor and they are losing games they didn’t last year (they are losing games).  This year is not all ding-a-ling dally Pizza and Champagne and Vardy hasn’t been on a 11 game scoring run in a while.. a new win streak starts now.

Liverpool were awesome against Watford but used up all their goals.  This means they came up against a Saints team short of ammo.  Some replenishment in the week should see them with some attacks and they should win handily;however, their defending has been known to be lacking (a.k.a. atrocious) and Jermaine will be looking to increase his tally of 150 goals.  It will be the most lopsided 3-2 victory ever.

Trafford United are playing the Hammers in a game that is destined to be 0-0 but will end 1-0 as Rooney scores another goal to ward off the retirement speculation.

Southampton and Everton is a game that Ronald will really want to win but won’t.  After a decent start the Toffees are proving themselves to be suitably average. An average team will do averagely well against another average team and they will likely average an average score of 1-1.  A score bore draw.

Swansea are my pick to be one of the two teams relegated early on along with Hull.  Bradley will be end up being fired when they realize he is not a very good manager.   Picking  a national team that picks itself is easier than managing a full squad.  They should eek out a draw against a Palace team in a run of poor form which is impressive as Zaha probably wins two penalties for flopping in and around the area.

Last week I would have picked Stoke to win.   Stoke had looked good. Watford had looked awful.  Then last week Stoke looked awful. Watford looked good (I only watched about 30 minutes of the game).  In the end I tossed a coin and it didn’t land on heads or tails.  I didn’t know what that meant so I decided to pick a draw.  Perhaps it means that Watford win the choice of kick-off or ends?

This weeks bets.


Next week I’ll try to be funnier and make a non-pick/result posts – I have a couple of cool video to share.

Round 12 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks

Another week with JE being late – hopefully there’s some Mourinho time.


Palace are in a Pardew rut – these tend to happen a little later in the year so is not a good sign for the Eagles.  Citeh don’t have to worry about the Champions League this week so they can focus on getting more of those penalties they can’t put away.  Citeh will still win because Aguero scores goals and Kevin “Prince Harry” De Bruyne sets them up unless he gets distracted by his new girlfriend.

Everton got thumped by Chelski so luckily they are playing a hapless Welsh team managed by an American.  I don’t have anything against managers from the U.S.of.A; however, Bradley is not my favorite manager and is typical of the anodyne sports personality that America is breeding.  One tackle at a time.  One game at a time.  Hard work.  100%.  Yawn.  It takes work to make you want to listen to Mourinho but BB makes that happen.  This week will see his team losing one game at a time.

Manchester United, despite not being any good are not far off the top of the table.  Being thrashed by Chelsea and failing to score against Burnley means that a nil-nil draw might be a good result for them.  Park 10 players in the box and go home without a loss.  Arsenal will mess up this plan by attacking like gangbusters and allowing themselves to fall a goal down.  This will open the game up and the Gooners will take over and win.  Rooney may be a distraction after getting plastered at a wedding.  According to a newspaper named after a giant star – “He couldn’t string a sentence together”.  To be fair, I don’t think a London tabloid can speak scouse.
Boro at home to Chelski.  A route in this one because the wing-backs in the back 3 system will be fresh and ready to go.  We’ll see how the blues do over the winter break but for now they will be decent.  Let’s be honest- Boro are bad, that’s all that matters.

Southampton always seem to play well against ex-Southampton and the scousers are due a slip up.  Combined forces will leave this game in a mess draw.  Of course one of the Saints players (Lallana) won’t be playing so only 1/4 of the team will be the players Southampton felt they could dump.

Stoke win at home.  Bournemouth lose away.

Last week was good for Moyes Boys and Sunderland.


Sunderland don’t win at home or away. I don’t think Hull are going to win for the rest of the year.  So the conflict was resolved with a coin toss – heads, Sunderland win.  Moyesy keeps his job.  Phelan was kicked out of Sunderland by Moyesy so a piece of me is hoping his team wins.

Spuds have Kane who is trying to get himself bought by Trafford United.  He will take corners, free-kicks, and shoot from everywhere to get the goals that will force Mourinho to make a huge bid and encourage Spuds to make contract offer.  They need to work on this now because the contract only runs through 2018.  Having watched the Hammers play in the echo-chamber that is their stadium, Spuds must be thrilled to still be at WHL.  They will rip into West Ham because I’ve given up waiting for them to turn it around.

Watford were terrible against Liverpool.  They won’t be as bad again or the Mazzarri will get fired.  Has anyone seen Ighalo?
Leicester are not the Leicester of 2016 and watford aren’t he Watford of 1984.  A draw seems fair.  Go Hornets!! Get that Draw!

West Brom and Burnley.  I can’t watch Monday games so I don’t care too much.  2-1 is a random guess that I found laying on the floor.


Round 06 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks

This week we have a new guest player – a Mr Livi who is part of the genesis of this site and the reason that this blog is somewhat Liverpool leaning. He is convinced he will get 50% of his picks perfect which means he’s a sure-fire winner.  That is, however, why they play the games.  It’s actually to make some players really wealthy and their owners wealthier but the 10 year old in me still wants to insist that there is a wholesome innocent entertainment element to it.  Supporting the Hornet Moosemen means that I do have to believe in something (miracles, mainly).

I have no automated the production of weekly results so this weekend I promise to put up the latest standings and make a couple of additional posts.

Furthermore, I can not make fun of the weekly inputs.  No longer am I getting handwritten giant-sized photo images sent upside down or little itsy bitsy scribbled scores in the wrong order but just nice ordered spreadsheet entries.  That is except I have a brother (JE) who insists on amusing me with his weekly entries that this week included:

Man yoo 2 lessester 0
Swansea 0 man shitty 4 yes 4
Middlesbrough 1 spuds
Burn lee 0 mighty hornets on a high 2
Middlesbrough 1 spuds 2

Yes.  He’s such a Man Yoo fan that he feels he needs to explain giving the only team from Manchester 4 goals, yes 4 goals!  I believe he also thought the mighty spuds might not score without Harry Kane but realized that they may use replacement players.

Here are the weekly picks in an image – look at those pretty “W”s that the Citeh have…. and look at the pretty “L”s that Stoke have:


Arsenal and Chelsea is a game that could go in multiple directions but despite JT being an old ex-England (hopefully) international he is still better than the crazy David Luiz and his injury should mean that the Arse bash in at least a couple of goals.

Things aren’t going well and this will be the year the Cherries bomb and leave the EPL unless Jack Wilshere actually ends up being as good as Messi.  The press says Lukaku can’t score so he smashed a hattrick.  Everton are on a good run and like Forest Gump they’re gonna keep on running.  I’ve never seen the movie but I know he runs a lot in it.  If it’s wrong to make reference I don’t understand I could say that the run will continue like Chas’n’Dave’s rabbit.

The Meese need to win the dreaded 6 pointers and I think Ighalo must score after missing the wide open net against the Trafford boys.  Losing to Burnley will be disappointing but that’s something Hornet fans are used to.

Hull rode some emotional lows to a couple of early victories but Liverpool at home are going to be tough.  Liverpool can lose to the minnows easier than anyone because Filet Mignot in goal is a liability just like Joe Hart was at Citeh.  Well Klopp is proving to be as brave as Pep and is bringing in Karius to start in goal.

Leicester won the league last year.  Yes.  It’s still unbelievable.  Man United have lost 3 on the bonce.  Unbelievable.  But everything changes (but you) so I expect the Mourinho to take all the credit for finally getting a win with his players that need to listen to him

Spuds are playing with out the Harry Kane out with an ankle.  I don’t know what that means but that’s what the commentators say.  I thought everyone had an ankle but that’s not true apparently.  This might be a big loss if it wasn’t for the fact that he has only scored this year because the ball was rolled to him 2 yards out.  Vincent Janssen should score and all we’ll hear is how Kane won’t lose his place because he’s critical to Big Sam’s plan.  Of course Sam’s plan is to play 11 players in the “wherever they want to play I have no control formation” – let’s hope Joe Hart doesn’t take his two left feet into the outfield.

The “you” in Everything Changes might refer to Tony Pulis.  Same shit Different Day.  Stoke started poorly last year and they have started poorly this year and things will change and this is the week it will happen.  Arnautovic has been almost as disappointing as Berahino except he scored a rocket midweek so they’re ready to launch.

Sunderland are awful and David Moyes will try and protect his job by attempting to imitate his days at Man Yooo with turgid draws.  He is probably lining up Fellatio for transfer from Man Yoo as we speak.

Citeh will NOT score four goals.  They can’t score four goals every week.  Stop predicting four goals.  They’ll probably score five but I’ll still be right! Funny how everything changes… we used to have Kolo and Yaya.. and now there are no Toures to be seen anywhere.

West Ham.  I want a 70,000 seat stadium in the Championship so I’m supporting the Saints in this game but Payet is back and the loss against Watford and West Brom should have the four goals conceded removed from their system.  Clean sheet and two stunners to get past Fraser Forster – the man to replace Joe Hart in whatever position he wants for England.

In addition, I’m making my usual 3 bets.  If Livi is here I may as well make a good Scouse prediction and hope it comes true.  The total is how much I’m up on the year making big one pound bets (and imaginary at that).


Today’s feature image.

Except Tony Pulis' tactics
Except Tony Pulis’ tactics

Round 02 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks

Well the season is underway.  I’ve made the entry form available on this site for quick reference and download and you can see it on the top right menu.  I also made a post last week detailing some of the new standards.  I am also going to add a bet suggestion (I tried this before) but I will tally to see how much money I will lose!  I’m a cheap skate (it’s in the DNA) so I am limiting to 3 bets of £1 each.

How to use a Menu for Idiots.

Last week was an interesting week.

Hull fielded a janitor, a fan who drew the short straw, after failing to get Jimmy Bullard and Nicky Barmby to come out of retirement and make up the numbers.  They won. Against the Champions.  In a League where Champions had never lost their opening game!  Arsenal and Liverpool put together a 7 goal extravaganza setting an opening day record… which is less a statement about conservative vs aggressive play in the leagues history than it is simply a discussion of defensive frailties;  defensive frailties  made worse by the bizarre tactical decisions of Arsene to rest players returning from a full summer.

Last Weeks Results


Clearly, I’m far ahead taking advantage of the new scoring system!  The two interesting things to me was that almost all of the amateurs outscored the pros (ML and PM) except for poor JE who just didn’t pick much right!  He had an exact score in Bournemouth losing to Manchester BuyTheLeaguers United until the Cherries hit with a consolation.  Here’s hoping he does better this week (Edit: Off to a good start with the Red Devils over Red and White Stripe Saints).

This Weeks Picks

This Week's Wags
This Week’s Wags

The summary of picks will begin; however, I will use the names of the teams as provided by my very witty and clever brother.

Leicester v Arsenal
The first of my bet suggestions involves this game.  Arsenal are often rampant in midfield chewing up possession while looking around for that perfect pass into the back of the opponents net. That dominance also lulls their own defenders to sleep and with Leicester reverting this week back to the defend and strike form of football it’s hard to image their won’t be goals.

Bet: Vardy and Giroud to both score at 13/2.

Could be a terrible bet if Wenger is stupid enough to rest his Euro players again.  A six point deficit may not seem much but I believe this year will be a return to normal where 4 teams will separate and be dominant and the chosen four will begin to separate immediately.

Burnley v Scouse Twats
No love lost their (sorry Livi – but with Usain Bolt getting the Triple Treble you can put up with this).  Liverpool were inconsistent yet and so far this year they’ve not put together two wins in a row so it’s hard to expect another display of offensive production (subtle joke).  Firmino is good so I’m sure he’ll score and it will be all it takes because Burnley will barely make it out of their own half let alone score.

Sunderland v Boro
Sunderland may be a little bit better than Boro but anything can happen when it’s a local derby… anything except lots of goals in this dour game.

Swansea v Hull
Swansea couldn’t  hope for a better start to the season than six points. Being handed Burnley and Hull to open was gifting them a six-pointer (don’t tell Arsenal).  Hull will have the high of winning an opening game but it reminds me Aston Villa last year who opened their challenge for the title with an opening day win and then didn’t win again in the first half of the season.  A new feature of this blog will be “Who is Hull’s Manager This Week?”.  This week it’s Emu:

Rod Hull (geddit) and Emu
Rod Hull (geddit) and Emu

Bet: 2 goals Swansea Hull at 9/4  (Hedging a 1-1 draw against the 2-0 prediction)

Spuds v Palace

Harry Kane had a great European tourney and will continue to carry that form into the league.  We have seen him hit purple patches but how will he react to being second fiddle to Lamela who will finally be the player he can be.  It doesn’t matter.. Palace are desperate enough to buy Benteke for a few million too many so won’t score.  I predicted 3-1 because you can always count on Spuds to make it hard. Up 2-0 scoring a late own-goal before finishing it off with the last kick seems like something they could do.

Watford v Chelsea

Watford have a terrifically hard opening to the season and it’s hard to see them see off a Chelski that is sure to be improved.  It’s hard to see what Watford are going to do.  Troy and Odion up front are finding it harder and the midfield is not good enough (that’s Capoue in what looks like a 7-1-2 formation).  I want the moosemen to do well but I will have to be patient this year.

West Brom v Everton

Tony Pullis is still my pick for the first sacking of the year; however, I want to re-introduce the Alan Pardew Project and if Palace don’t start well maybe he will be the next one:

Not the Alan Parson Project
Not the Alan Parson Project

Hammers v Bournemouth

Playing at their fancy new digs with their less than fancy crappy logo is West Ham.  Sweet deal for the team and more fans get to pay more money to see a team with a new brand.  If that’s not the dream of the EPL then I don’t know what is.

Where's the Castle?
Where’s the Castle?

Stoke v Man Shitty (clever, eh!)

Stoke don’t know how to score goals and City played poorly one game and blew the doors of Bucharest the next.  It’s tough to believe that Stoke could score as many as Aguero so a win makes sense.

Man U v Southampton

Not often there is a consensus pick but it seems everyone with an understanding of football thought a 2-0 scoreline was likely.  So Mum and Dad start behind the 8 ball.

Bet: Manchester United to win 2-0  at  5-1

Round 37 – Premier League Picks

Only safety and places in Europe to play for as Leicester claim the title.  There is always advertising for “Championship Weekend” and every year the title is already secured.  Football (soccer) may have made it in the USA but there is still a closeted desire for there to be a play-off to provide that end-of-year excitement and predictable finale.  I try to explain that the FA Cup, and to a lessor extent the Champions League, holds the honor of providing that drama but it’s not the League title and that’s the tournament that really matters.  The fact that the Champions League winners will not be their domestic title holders still doesn’t sit right – I’m still old-school fan where the European Cup was a knock-out of Champions.

Why all the chatter?  With all the talk of Leicester being the greatest upset, greatest story in football history it seems that we all forgot an even bigger achievement of two European cups in a row where only domestic champions and current holders qualified.

Miracle Men

But achievement does not equal odds. At 5000-1 (or 2500-1 depending on bookie) the odds given to Leicester was staggering.

To put it in context these are current 5000-1 bets:

  • Elvis is found alive.
  • Yeti or Loch Ness Monster is proven to exist.
  • Christmas is the warmest day of the year in England.
  • Kanye West and Kim Kardashian name their next child Sinner.
  • Kim Kardashian becomes the U.S. president in 2020.
  • Barack Obama plays cricket for England after he leaves Oval Office.


I think Christmas being the warmest day may be worth a bet for a few years from now.

Last week’s results were terrible for me.  I guess I tried too hard to be different – picking West Brom over West Ham? Seriously, what was I thinking!

Dad, Mum, Spouse 5 correct, 1 perfect 7 pts
Me 3 correct, 1 perfect 5 pts
Me 3 correct 3pts

This weeks picks:

Norwich vs Manchester United 1-2
Aston Villa vs Newcastle 1-2
Bournemouth vs West Brom 2-1
Crystal Palace vs Stoke 0-1
Sunderland vs Chelsea 1-1
West Ham vs Swansea 2-0
Leicester  vs Everton 1-1
Tottenham vs Southampton 2-0
Liverpool vs Watford 3-0
Manchester City vs Arsenal 1-1

Trafford United are trying to get into the Top 4 and a win against Norwich will put pressure on Citeh who disappointed in the Euro Champions League (Arsenal aren’t home free yet either).  They will face a Norwich team trying to claw and scratch their way out of the bottom 3.  A closer encounter than one would normally expect but the Red Devils will eek out another win and in the end the numbers will make future statisticians wonder why LVG was fired at the end of the year.

Villa have 16 points.  That seems like it should make them the worst team in Premier League history but the record shows that Derby got relegated with 11 points.  Norwich and Sunderland will be hoping that the Villains will pull off an unlikely victory but I don’t expect them to do any favors.  No one will be relegated this week but it’s one step closer for Norwich.

With one win in the last 10 between them it’s hard to predict that either of these teams will try and win but with 2 draws it’s hard to think that is a result either.  I’d pick them both to lose if I could but a coin flip put Bournemouth on top.

Crystal Palace are not mathematically safe but are safe.  This is a typical Pardew year – the dizzy heights of November are give way to the second half collapse.  This is the same trend we saw at Newcastle and it’s unexplainable other than players can only tame so much false motivation until they realize that they’re crap.  Focus on the FA Cup, boys.

Leicester have wrapped up the title.  Everton have likely succeeded in Roberto having a tv gig next year.  Full on Champagne and Pizza the Foxes fail to impress but still impress more than Everton who have nothing left to play for.

Tottenham lost the title the first few weeks and tried desperately to catch up…  but this week with nothing to play for they will dominate the Saints

Lost It Early
Lost It Early

Watford beat Liverpool 3-0 earlier in the year.  Revenge is sweet.  I can safely predict this up and down score because that’s Liverpool’s year has had more up and downs than [insert rude thing here].


Citeh vs Gunners.. should have and could have been so much more important.  A draw or loss for Citeh puts tremendous pressure on them of Trafford United wins.  All of a sudden they lose control of their own destiny.  The last 2 weeks will have a tremendous impact on next year – always say that if one team can mess up the perfect scenario… its’ Citeh.