Round 01 2017/2018 – Premier League Picks

It’s Round 1 and most of the picks are in…as usual we have JE being casually late and operating on his own Fergie/Mourinho time.   Or, Silva time.

Time I Joined A Proper Club

We have a few new people join this time round to see if they can match up to the current champion and Beebster’s biggest fan,  my brother, JE.

*I may go into more detail on who is who later but I will point out three supercomputer algorithms that are playing (SC1,SC2, SC3).  The winner last year was a supercomputer!  The algorithms are proprietary and have not yet yielded financial returns (it’s illegal to wire money for betting purposes in the USA).

The opening few weeks will be a case of calibrating team expectations.  Will West Ham finally adjust to playing in a giant cavern?   How will the Spuds do playing all there games away from home at the large Wembley.  They will no doubt miss the intimate White Hart Lane and suffer from the less than intimate size of the new field (tiring on the old legs).   From the second smallest to largest field in a year is going to have an impact – not to mention their 1-4 record there last year.

The bigger problem is just keeping track of transfers and what those transfers mean.   The big names are obvious – Lukaku will be expected to deliver 25 goals (and fail), Cleverly will be expected to deliver mediocre performances (and succeed).  More than that there is the stupidity of the open transfer window – will Coutinho actually leave.

Watford bought a Burnley substitute for18m GBP which took spending to over $1 B GBP (yes, that is a B).   Let’s put that in perspective.


If you look at it from the point of view of fans:

Everyone else has Loadsamoney

All the picks so far:

Lots of Guesses

Arsenal V Leicester City

Going to be a good start to the league, lots of goals,lots of excitement.  This prediction lark is a lot easier after the fact.

Brighton & Hove Albion V Manchester City

Soufyan Ahannach has come in and make a huge difference for the Seagulls and they are looking to shatter their transfer record with a 13.5 million signing which is about the amount Yaya wants Citeh to spend on his agent’s birthday cake.   It’s not really fair is it.

Chelsea V Burnley

Most people see Chelsea walking this game but Burnley will not, I repeat, will not be as horrible away from home as they were last year.  Conte didn’t get the star power additions he wanted and Hazard is hard.  This is a tougher position than they faced all of last year.. just putting in a back 3 and playing from the front was easy.  They’ll still win.

Crystal Palace V Huddersfield Town

Palace from the Sowf at home against the newly promoted team from the the North.  I think Palace will surprise a little this year.  They didn’t get relegated with Big Sam so imagine how well they will do with a right proper boss who’s going to introduce “total” football.

Everton V Stoke City

My pick for first manager to go not called Silva is Mr Hughes.  The first game will make that one step closer to happening.   I think Rooney will be a good player in the slot for Everton.

Manchester United V West Ham United

With Lukaku, Mourinho will be hoping last year’s 0-0 games will be this year’s 1-0 games.   That’s about how ambitious the new Man Utd truly is…

1-0 !

Newcastle United V Tottenham Hotspur

Another week before we get to see Spuds at Wemberley.   Already, this is a must win game for the Le Coq on a beachball team.

Southampton V Swansea City

Two teams that no one really cares about.  Moving on.

Watford V Liverpool

The game of the Year.  Klopp for the Chop (he’s my dark horse pick for managers to get the Emre Can) vs Silva.  I’d like to say the meese have a chance and they do.   Liverpool should be focusing on the Hoff in next week’s Champions League playoff.

Don’t Hassell the Hoff

West Bromwich Albion V Bournemouth

I have Josh King and Junior Stanislas on my fantasy team so I must like the Cherries;however, I just have a hard time betting against the Old Man Tony Pullis at home.


Round 25 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks (and Round 24 Results)

Well…. last week ended and it was another good showing for me… however, it was a better showing for LJ who eeked out a narrow victory.

LJ Won!

Bit of a pyrrhic victory though as he benefited from Hull winning over hit beloved Liverpool.

I can’t Believe it
It’s so sad
we lost to Hull!

So here are this weeks picks.

Weekly Guesses

This week the picks were in time from everyone.

Well Done JE – On Time!

Arsenal vs hull
Arsenal managed to throw the league away (again) and so now there’s nothing to play for so they can go back to their old normal routing of looking good, throwing it away, and finishing ahead of Spuds.  Maybe throw a cup-run in there.  Hull have improved but they sold their primo kick-taker and will struggle.

Boy rematch vs man shitty
Bournemouth like to score.  Citeh have a worse than average goalkeeper. Bournemouth will therefore score. Luckily,Citeh have Jesus on their side… in fact, they have two.. and that will be enough to cover up the cracks.

Burnley vs Chelsea
If the league was based only on home results, Burnley would be in third place so they are always good for a result (unless they play the team that’s top of the table with the best home and away records).

Liverpool vs spuds
Scousers are all over the place… they win,they draw, they lose, they lose, they lose… perhaps it’s actually more of a trend than I realized.  Spurs are winning and drawing but not losing.  I would pick a team to win but I think Chelsea are going to have another great week where the competitors fall to the wayside.   Whatever the case,the game will be full of twists and turns.

We’re Winning! Drawing! Losing?! Losing….Winning!

Man yoo vs Harry the hornet
It was 3-1 at Vicarage Rd but this is at Old Toilet.  Last week was Graham Taylor’s funeral and this week he’s with the Turnips in the Sky.  Harry loses his sting.

Boro vs lukaku
Boro don’t want to lose and fall into a relegation dogfight so will close up shop. Lukaku will score and take his shirt off.  Women sigh.  Men get totes jelly.  Twice, at least.

It’s My Birthday…suit

Stoke vs palace
Sam for the can.  Stoke at home.  Easy

Sunderland vs saints
Not sure how Sunderland are bottom (except they keep losing).  I made the mistake of picking against them and I’ll do it again (another time).  I said that Sunderland didn’t have a full team but the Saints don’t have a full defense and the best part of it is gone.

Taffs vs leishittyerthanlastyear
What were the odds last year of Leicester winning the league and then being relegated?  No one had that bet?  Oh … well that’s a darn shame.

Hammers vs wba
West Ham, East Ham, South Ham, North Ham… who the hell knows what direction the Hammers are going but this week feels like up.

Round 22 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks (and Round 21 Results)

Last week the victor was KMFE followed closely by everyone not me….or Mr Livi who once again told me I need to write a paper on why those most knowledgeable on a subject are most likely to fail when tested on that subject.  At least that is his argument for coming last again.

In a shocker this week she is going for the Spuds against her beloved Citeh.

Another poor showing for JCE but better then LJ 🙂

In another shocker, we’re still waiting for you know who to make his picks.

Cheeky Time Abuser

But here are the picks for this week.

Predictions, Guesses, Random Picks

All signs point to another disappointing week where I don’t get exact scores.  I feel like playing catch up is influencing my picks and I’ve started to search for results that don’t exist but that’s the danger in falling behind in the first place.  Lessons learned for next year.
Arsenal V Burnley
Giroud is scoring for fun again and Burnley are playing away from home which can only mean one thing – everyone has picked Arsenal to win.  Competitively I should just copy BE and get an exact score but my gut tells me that Burnley won’t score away from home.

Bournemouth V Watford
I picked Mazzari as one of the favorites to go next.   Big Sam was my favorite as I don’t believe he can get through a transfer window without doing “something” involving one of these.

Bag O Money or Personal Transfer “Bonus”

Watford are close to Leicester which last year would have been pretty good but this year is pretty terrible and this is a game against another bottom of the table team (who do well at home).  I want to pick them to win but that seems to backfire… so I’m picking the Cherries to win and hoping the Hornets finally score goals.

Chelsea V Hull
Chelski are Top.  Hull are Bottom.  Here’s a prediction for you – that will be true at the end of the week too.  The question is how many goals to the good will the friend of Trumps team be… seems to be the consensus that it will be the number of years Trump is in office.  Many think that would be 4 miserable goals but I think it will be less.

Crystal Palace V Everton
Big Sam’s team have to win eventually and why not at home against a wildly inconsistent Toffee team that play too soft and lack that solid core [featured image hint -it’s subtle this week].  I expect Zaha to win a penalty and for Changy the Elephant to do a Harry Hornet dive.

Harry Impersonating Zaha

Liverpool V Swansea
Swansea have been terrible and Liverpool have looked decent and probably better now with Coutinho back.  The future is bright for them with their Under-16s team beating Plymouth in the F.A.Cup.  I don’t think Klopp will be too worried about the Coca-Cola Milk Rumbelows Capital One Why Is It Two Legs Semi-Final Cup so I expect a full team and a sound as a pound win.

Man City V Tottenham
A top of the table clash.  A win for Citeh puts them in the top 4 (on points) and a loss puts them in the dreaded position of below their not-quite-Manchester rivals.    A win for for Spurs keeps them in the top 4 and a loss puts them in the dreaded position of below their London rivals.  An early St Totterings Day (they’ll never catch the gooners once they fall behind).

Middlesbrough V West Ham
Boro are Boring.  The Hammers are a hammering.  If Boro can’t score against Watford they won’t win against West Ham.  If they prevent Watford from scoring it is irrelevant.

Southampton V Leicester
The Saints are disappointingly in the lower half of the table but higher than Leicester.  The secret sauce has gone… Saints win.

West Brom V Sunderland
Sunderland are relegated.  Sunderland are doomed.  It seems that the Baggies finally have real interest from other teams that seem to want Berahino so things are looking up for Tony and his band of merry men.

Stoke V Man Utd
I predict this one will be close and might end in a draw.. or it will be one sided and a 40-0 win for the Red Devils.

Happy Birthday JE

It’s also KMFE’s Birthday this week and her prize is a life size Olaf.

I’m Cute and So is My Friend
I’m Olaf’s Friend

No bets this week.  I’m tired of losing fake money.

Round 20 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks (and Round 19 Results)

Look at that… as predicted a terrible week for all involved… it had that feel of everything lining up to be unpredictable and it turned out that way.   At the top of the table you will see me!  Finally, and this week only ONE exact score that made all the difference (thanks to Giroud and friends).

It was a bit like Mkhitaryan’s goal against Sunderland only better and onside.  Funny that Mourinho didn’t complain there.

Second Half Of The Season

This is where the picks get interesting as each team has played once already.
Am I still waiting for picks from JE this week?

It’s 85 Days Past Midnight.. Time I was On my way.

Turns out not… he’s finally on time!

It’s very late so one-liners only.

Bournemouth V Arsenal
Cherries play better at home but Wilshire couldn’t make Arsenal’s starting XI – though they are going to give him a new contract – and he starts for Bournemouth on a flat-track pitch .

Crystal Palace V Swansea
No team from Wales should be in the English Premier League… and I predict a Prexit.

Everton V Southampton
The Saints aren’t marching on and Everton’s new boss, the Southampton old boss, will be tromping all over them.

Man City V Burnley
Burnley scored a number of goals and Citeh have a leaky defensive unit but that won’t be enough because they need to focus on their own end.

Middlesbrough V Leicester
Leicester relieved the pressure with a win and Boro suffered a tough defeat where they had the undeserved lead and squandered it so standing on the precipice of a decline.

Stoke V Watford
The hornets aren’t standing on the precipice of anything – they’ve taken a beautiful swan dive into a black hole of mediocrity.

Sunderland V Liverpool
Moyes said that the last game was the worst game any team under his management had played and that’s a lot of teams.

Tottenham V Chelsea

Chelsea need to lose eventually.

West Brom V Hull
Hull will soon give up and resign themselves to the fact that their goals are limited to finishing higher than Swansea

West Ham V Man Utd

Just put Carroll in the box and throw some crosses in there and challenge Edwin Van De Gea where he’s weak… but the Hammer’s won’t Hurt Them too much as they give up to the Giant Fellatio at their own end.

Round 19 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks (and Round 18 Results)

The results from last week are in and I finally didn’t finish last. I didn’t win outright either but I’ll take a tie.  Once again the scoring seemed unfair but this time to LJ who finished last despite getting the same number of results correct as the top 4.

LJ needs an Exact score!
Still Waiting For JE (again)

Looks like the picks are all in except for JE (again) and SC4 who likes to run overnight and calculate the predictions on latest available data.
Only a quick review today because this weekend will see the mid-season wrap up (sneak preview:  I’m doing terrible with picks and everything else).

Arsenal v Crystal Palace

Flat track bullies beat lower quality teams.  Any team managed by Big Sam aspires to nothing more than being totally average.

Burnley v Sunderland

Both have the same record over the last 5 games (3 wins, 2 losses) but one generally wins at home and no reason that trend will end.

Chelsea v Stoke

Chelsea have been using up the world’s supply of Ws.  Pretty soon hen someone ins they ont be able to rite much because e’ll have run out. The run will end soon (next week) as they get a little tired at the back but this will be a dominating performance.

Hull v Everton

Hull aren’t a bad team and give it a lot of go.  Mike Phelan is on the shortlist to get fired but with what the team has there’s nothing better they can bring in (maybe get a short term Pardew elevation before future mediocrity).  Everton are going to pick up a couple of good players in the window and will compete for a top 6 finish.  They stay in touch at the top with another win.

Leicester v West Ham

No Vardy who is still suspended. The champions are now in the relegation area and need to do a West Ham and win a few games to relieve the pressure.  Unfortunately, they are playing West Ham who are on a bit of a run.  Leicester have been very dodgy on crosses and so I expect the carthorse (Carrol) to knock one in.

Liverpool v Man City

Liverpool have won 5 of 6 against city.  Liverpool are averaging over 2 goals a game at home.  At the fortress, even without Tiny Tim, Liverpool should win.  I feel if the game is open then Liverpool will score a few against a weak defense… if Pep plays it safe? I expect it to be 0-0… but the reality is that Man City don’t like being pressed and Liverpool are going to press.

Man Utd v Middlesbrough

Easy fixture.  Easy win.

Southampton v West Brom

Southampton looked good for a draw against Spurs before the red card ruined the game.  West Brom might start feeling some pressure if they don’t pick up points aginst the teams around and below themselves. Home team will win despite their inability to score.  I could see this going 0-0 as well but I pick the Saints.

Swansea v Bournemouth

Swansea have what they need, someone in charge that’s better than Bob Bradley.  That someone is no-one because no-one is better than Bob Bradley.   Read that how you want to read it 🙂
Expect to see Coleman hired soon to a team on a 1-game win streak.

Watford v Tottenham

Harry Kane blew a penalty but made fun of himself.

I don’t think Watford have a chance – they have been very poor – though I’d like Capoue to stick one past his old team who need to be made fun of as a defense mechanism.

Watford Have a Moose …..


Finally… the best way to lose your money (though I’ve accurately picked the exact progression and firing of Pardew and Bradley).   I don’t rate either manager so I’m not really surprised.  This weeks bet is that the next manager fired will be …… Big Sam…. I just don’t see him doing anything at Palace other than calling up agents.

This weeks money losing tips!

How much should you bet on Allardyce being fired?  I called him up and he said he’d bet all the money he has to “grease the wheels of the transfer market”. Not sure what that means but he said I should stock up on brown envelopes.

Transfer Money


Round 17 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks (and Round 16 Results)

This week will be a quick run through.  Just a couple of non picks items….. Santa Rio donated toys for kids but perhaps more importantly, sleeping bags for the homeless.  It’s not a house but with the growing issue in Manchester it’s nice that he’s put a couple of quid to charity…500,000 you say?  Wow. Your club affiliation has been forgiven.

Once again…. we’re waiting for JE’s picks coming in at the last minute.

JE Time

Cherries v Saints Not Marching

Bournemouth are decent at home and the Saints struggle away.  Nuff said.

(Not) Pardew’s Palace v Chelski

Chelsea may have won 10 straight but their performances haven’t been dominating of late and they are grafting victories.  I always felt that an extended run would ultimately tire the back three and this week Zaha will play out wide which will stretch the defensive formation of Chelski.  Normally I would pick an upset as the goalkeeping was very suspect against Sunderland as shown in this video where a little known Lowery scored against an out of form Asmir Begovic.

Besides that, the Palace boys are tired of the pressure of bailing out their boss who will end the day unemployed for Christmas when Chelski do make it 11 wins in a row in a low scoring adventure.

It’s Half Past Time I was Fired

Merseyside Derby

This is always a great game.  Unfortunately, it’s on a Monday when most people are working.  I do know that when most people do a vacation they go to a nice relaxing spot..others, like Livi, take vacation for one reason and that reason is to watch a game of vicious tackling.  Everton are strong at home and strong in tackle.  There’s no Gerrard to get studs in for Liverpool so I expect Everton to end the game a man down… but not any goals down.

Merseyside Staycay

The Only Team In Manchester vs Arsenal

The Citeh boys are without Fernandinho due to temporary injury to the brain and without Gundogan due to malfunctioning knee.  This is a top of the table clash which immediately favors the team that isn’t Arsenal; however, the Citeh boys are missing key players.  Arsenal have scored a number of away goals but mostly against lower tier teams (flat track bullies) like Hull, Sunderland, West Ham.  Man City are worse at home than away and have struggled to score in multiples.  The right performance by either team could send this 3-0 or 0-3 so I’m splitting the difference and assuming at least one goal.

Pep is actually fairly amusing and learning English using phrases such as “It is what it is”. But listen to him talk about his goalie at 10:00…. it’s quite funny.


Middlesbrough vs The Only Team in Wales

This is a six-pointer (I won’t watch).  Swansea are not improved under Brad and I wouldn’t be surprised if he is the first to go after Pardew when they once again fail to score and Boro do.

Fragile Pottery vs Foxes

Leicester smacked Man City and then lost to lesser competition.  Common thought is that they turned the corner in the EPL and just suffered their first turn-around hiccup.  Stoke are strong at home but without Arnautovic they are short some creative forward play.  Tight game but I’ll give Vardy another in a non-winning cause.  With the younger Viking back in goal the Foxes should be better – I always say confidence starts at the back.

(No) Sunderland vs Meese

Sunderland are playing without Lowery (scorer of a great goal) but they’re a team I do think are better than their position indicates.  I think the Moose are over-achieving and this game will bring the teams a little closer together in the table.

Spuds at Burnley

Burnley always forget to pack goals for away trips. Spuds decide to use up some of their yearly goal allowance -Kane will pad his resume.

Baggies at Zlatan’s Team Not From Manchester

West Brom are only one position behind United and it’s only partly because they aren’t a bad team.  It’s partly because Trafford United aren’t a good team.  There’s a lot of jibber-jabber about Trafford boys getting results but they’re not banging in nearly enough goals so this will be much tighter than expected (unless you paid attention to the midweek result).

Hammering Hull

One more win and West Ham will begin to spend more time looking Up the table rather than Down the table.  They’re getting healthier (their stadium probably has it own hospital) and they will start to overcome the huge lack of home field advantage.  Hull are going down this year.

Here are my weekly bets which I include as things you should not put money on.

Do Not Make These Bets

Results from the last two rounds are stuck down here because I did terrible and I know no-one reads to the end because if they did they might notice I have no comments and feel sorry for me.

At Least I wasn’t Last!

Once again a good week for BE but pipped by JE taking advantage of his extra time.

Crap I was last!

The amusing thing to me about this result is that I managed to pick 7 results out of 10 correct and finish dead last!  The odds of picking seven correct results and none being a draw and not one being with the correct goal difference has to be incredible…. I went back and read my analysis on the games and they were mostly correct.. that’s why this week you’ll notice (you will now) that I didn’t include my predictions (they are locked in and I will publish if I don’t come last 🙂 ).

Almost as incredible as getting 9 right but only getting the wrong differential twice!  Congratulations, BE!

*I did notice the jump in performance of ME so please make sure he’s not sneaking a gander at your picks before submitting them…it’s very suspicious!


Round 15 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks

Let’s start where we always start which is where we look at the beginning of the end before the end…

Cheeky Time Abuser

So here are the WAGS, sans JE, who will send his updates after drinking tea and cheating.

Wild Ass Guesses

Stoke are slowly creeping up the table and are a tough team to knock off but Sanchez is a small scoring machine and there’s no reason to see the Arse taking any kind of kicking from the Potters. The fact that Shawcross is set to misss out also means that Sanchez  is less likely to taking an arse kicking.  The Gooners will dominate but there’s always a chance that the Swiss Shaqiri could produce a bit of magic.

Both Burnley and Bournemouth are terrible away from home so advantage Burnley.  Bournemouth are riding high on the back of scoring multiple times against a hapless Liverpool defense but Burnley will be a tougher ticket on that end but won’t muster the goals either.   A score draw but 0-0 is just as likely.

Chelsea are on an amazing run getting five W’s preceding their name.  This is no accident. This is the results of winning five games, obvs.  Hazard is on top form and obviously enjoys not having Mourinho around…Costa is scoring and somehow David Luiz is not being tested very much. Citeh could have had 3 or 4 last week before Aguero had a Roy Keane moment…. so they are not infallible but it’s hard to see the Baggies pulling any kind of upset.

Hull are awful and last week I predicted that Alan Pardew would win against Southampton and then get fired losing to Hull.  My heart says Hull will send Pardew to the kerb but my brain says they can’t beat a Palace team that found out how to score ….  kick a ball into an empty net from 2 feet out.

I don’t expect the same gift from Hull but Palace will still be able to pull out the win.

Leicester may repeat the news of last year with the insane odds at the beginning of the season that came true – last year 1500-1 to win the title and this year I’m sure high odds to get relegated but there they are 2 points from the drop and once again we’re all repeating the refrain that their fortunes have to turn around at some point, right?  Not against Citeh even though Aguero decided that he’s been too fit recently and needed a suspension to get some rest instead.  YaYa, who is up for African player of the year after all (?) will outplay Mahrez and cement his win.  Do you ever feel like YaYa is to the African Player of the Year is the football equivalent of Yahya the leader of Gambia and the results are fixed?

Liverpool were the wrong end of a fun game last week and Klopp will respond by keeping Filet Mignonlet on the bench and play Lovren in front of Pre-Karius.   LJ, the big fan of the Reds here, is convinced that the cart-horse (big Andy Carroll) will be playing for the Hammers and rise to the occasion and will head his team to victory.  I don’t see it myself as the Hammers have lost the plot and suffering a number of injuries … while the “normal one” will have had a word with his team.  Last year was a West Ham double so Liverpool will not take this result granted …. or any other after last weeks game.

Pre-Karius …lmfao

Spotted at schools all around the Manchester area were indications that Jose is trying to find a midfield that works.


I think everyone knows that Paul is not actually missing – he’s just hiding in plain sight with a new hairdo!  Spuds went through a period where they were getting draw after draw.. and Old Toilet seems to enjoy 1-1 games.  Sounds like a good guess to me.   I think the fans are currently looking for a way to make Marouaine Fellatio to disappear.

Southampton and Boro… I saw none of the Boro game (it was a Monday) nor any of the Southampton game but I do believe that it will be a close game – 0-0,1-0,0-1,1-1,2-1,1-2,2-2,2-0,0-2 are results worth taking a bet on.

Sunderland are better than they were and Swansea are awful.  I don’t know what the owners expected from Bradley  as he really has most of his experience coming from national team level.  The Premier League needs more than a motivator and hard-working manager….they need inspiration and a leader that oozes confidence but during interviews he sucks the charisma out of the room.  The team from the North leaves the country and returns a winner.

I really want the Meese to beat the Toffees but they were horrible and rely heavily on Capoue who can’t do it week in and week out.  Hopefully, Ighalo can get some form but I see a scrappy game with Watford taking an early lead and falling back into a  10-0-0 formation.  Somehow Baines on Toast will whip in a ball for Lukaku to equalize.

Here are my bets which you can take if you want to lose money.

*This post was brought to you without any form spell-checking/editing.

Round 14 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks

This week I’m going to try a little harder than last week and I’m guaranteeing that this extra effort won’t go to waste and I will finish at least equal, if not better, than I did last week.
Anyone wants to make a bet on that?

So here are the picks:


Once again JE is waiting until the last minute to pour over the detailed match reports to get that time advantage.  That “Mourinho Time” really comes in useful when making last minute tweaks to scores and predictions, aren’t they!

Still Some Time for Picks…. or Time for Pogba to show up…

Bournemouth will be a challenge for the Red Scouse Army this week because it turns out that Coutinho wants to spend some time hanging with the family for the holidays and no doubt catching a Christmas Carol Panto featuring his lookalike.

Separated At Birth
Separated At Birth?

There are mixed opinions on this one but I think Liverpool will be fine with Firmino and Origi, a player who Klopp really likes.  Away from the Anfield fortress there is a chance for a Gerrard style slip-up and for the Cherries to secure some points.
So Palace are hosting the Saints and everyone is wondering if maybe it’s time to reinstate the the “who’s going to be fired next” series.  This meme was started 2 years ago in December – the month when the normal Pardew descent begins – the difference this year is the absence of the ascent.  Newcastle got rid of him.  Palace wanted him.  Times change.  Except the flawed logic of owners who have decided they don’t want Pardew but they need one more loss to make sure. So, while Alan is on the chopping block the team will pull out all the stops to win the game that proves he his adequate to manage the team after all.  The five losses in a row and poor opening to the season will be magically offset by win this week that will rescue his job.

Not the Alan Parson Project

He’ll be fired next week when they lose to Hull.

If ever a game was destined for a 1-1 draw at home it’s a home Everton game where they are dying for points against a team that keeps drawing away from home (3 in 5). Sure to be a low scoring affair because Everton aren’t very good and…. well neither are the Trafford boys.   Schweinie might play so that will be a reason for KMFE to watch.

Oil Money against stolen Oil Money in the battle of the big dollar teams – Citeh and Chelski. Chelsea will start with a back 3 and this week it will fall apart as Citeh play Prince Harry and Navas very wide and force Chelski into playing either a back 5 or lose.  The Spanish Magician will produce an illusion of success and put them in front.  Conte will switch to a traditional back 4 to counter and he will be hailed as a genius for applying both a back 3 and back 4 tactic when they pull off a late equalizer….. but we can’t rule out Ya-Ya, Ya-Ya, Ya-Ya and his extra-time game winner.  Psyche!  Conte the genius pulls it off and Chelski win.

Middlesbrough at home against Hull. This is, as the pundits say, a six-pointer.  That translates roughly to “game that’s not worth watching.”

Stoke will not lose at home to a Burnley team that cannot score away from Turf Moor. Stoke will not score more than one because that involves being a great team and they aren’t.

Leicester are where they should have been last year.  Sunderland are better than their initial results showed and this game is really a toss up. I’m tired of predicting that Leicester will turn things around without KS minding the nets.  Leicester is more dilly-dally than dilly-ding this year.  Vardy is probably regretting not going to Arsenal but then he wouldn’t get in that team.. luckily the national team still has a spot for him.

Spuds have been drawing a lot and last week they finally lost.  They came out strong and took the lead against Chelski but then ended up giving the game away.  Swansea were behind Palace last week before ending up taking the game away.  By analysis of last week’s performance this game will be a battle between a team that wants to go up against a team that wants to go behind.   Swansea will get their wish and be behind early before realizing that the Palace defenders are on the other side of London for a reason.

WBA are a decent team doing quite well.  Watford are a bad team doing quite well. Usually the decent team will beat the bad team and that unfortunately means the Moosemen will slowly begin to fall out of the top half of the table.

The Hammers-ammers-mmers-ers-rs-s are playing in the echo-echo-echo-echo chamber and they just don’t seem to like-like-like-like-like it.  Arsenal are used to playing in large stadia so home advantage doesn’t exist for the home team and Arsenal will continue to stay in touch with the top for a few more weeks.

Here are the weekly bets


Next week I’ll try and post something amusing.  I’m taking this way too seriously 🙂


Round 13 2016/2017 – Premier League Picks

This weeks picks are once again 1 person short.


The supercomputer chugged and churned this week and continues to get stuck on its counter on 2 for home teams and 1 for away teams.  This might seem like a simple bug but I’m not actually sure – it could just be lazy.  Talking of lazy, Supercomputer 3 just copied Supercomputer 2 again.  It’s working on an algorithm in the same way that Jimmy Kimmel is waiting for Matt Damon.

Arsenal need to be, as JE would say, flat track bullies and make some Kirsch (tromp and distill the Cherries).  Bournemouth have only one once away and Arsenal are my favorite team that aren’t  EltonJohn’s Moosemen according to KMFE.  I fully expect Arsenal to score more goals than they can put against a decent PSG team.

Burnley didn’t score against 10 men Trafford (and in fact got dominated).   They also got thwumped by West Brom on Monday.  It all points to a dominating performance but Citeh can’t rely on Ya Ya anymore like they did last week.  He’s no longer the best African player which was emphasized again this week when he didn’t get on the shortlist (no doubt his agent is  unhappy at Pep about that and the money it has cost him).   I don’t think Burnley will score and it’s a question of how many goals Prince Harry can setup.

Chelski will play against a team trying to match their formation and will end up winning.  It’s hard to see another team duplicating the undefeated Arse team and Spuds should have given it up last week when down to the hapless Hammers before getting two late goals.  In other words, Spuds will lose eventually and this seems like a good week for that to happen.

Hull are not a great team and neither are West Brom which makes this one of those tough calls.  Bromwich are on a better run than Hull and they’ll probably edge it. I won’t be watching this game.

Leicester are in the CL next round and so they can focus on the league.  They need to- their form has been poor and they are losing games they didn’t last year (they are losing games).  This year is not all ding-a-ling dally Pizza and Champagne and Vardy hasn’t been on a 11 game scoring run in a while.. a new win streak starts now.

Liverpool were awesome against Watford but used up all their goals.  This means they came up against a Saints team short of ammo.  Some replenishment in the week should see them with some attacks and they should win handily;however, their defending has been known to be lacking (a.k.a. atrocious) and Jermaine will be looking to increase his tally of 150 goals.  It will be the most lopsided 3-2 victory ever.

Trafford United are playing the Hammers in a game that is destined to be 0-0 but will end 1-0 as Rooney scores another goal to ward off the retirement speculation.

Southampton and Everton is a game that Ronald will really want to win but won’t.  After a decent start the Toffees are proving themselves to be suitably average. An average team will do averagely well against another average team and they will likely average an average score of 1-1.  A score bore draw.

Swansea are my pick to be one of the two teams relegated early on along with Hull.  Bradley will be end up being fired when they realize he is not a very good manager.   Picking  a national team that picks itself is easier than managing a full squad.  They should eek out a draw against a Palace team in a run of poor form which is impressive as Zaha probably wins two penalties for flopping in and around the area.

Last week I would have picked Stoke to win.   Stoke had looked good. Watford had looked awful.  Then last week Stoke looked awful. Watford looked good (I only watched about 30 minutes of the game).  In the end I tossed a coin and it didn’t land on heads or tails.  I didn’t know what that meant so I decided to pick a draw.  Perhaps it means that Watford win the choice of kick-off or ends?

This weeks bets.


Next week I’ll try to be funnier and make a non-pick/result posts – I have a couple of cool video to share.